leaving, a narative poem sequence for ELA

Leaving


Leaving for the first time


Tell me what i can do to change you're mind.
Walking out never does solve the problem

When i think of you, I think of you and I
the cookies we baked,
the smell of Cinnamon floating in the kitchen the following week
All the paper boats we sailed.
All the rocks we skipped.
All the memories which no eraser in the world can erase.

you were by my side when i cried   over my balloon floating away
now you are the one leaving, who will be there to wipe my tears?


Leaving and coming home.

Coming home.
You are back in my life.
I hope you never leave again,
I fill your pockets with trust and hope you won't loose it.

But maybe I'm just dreaming.
I know the words 'father and daughter' never exactly described how I felt for you.

I stick my tongue out at you, and you smile back at me,
i never know how i feel about you,
I never know where you are.

I'm never sure where you are,
I'm never sure what label to give you.
But I know you are not my Daddy, yet.


How could I trust you

Did you think about mom when you left
Or the life you left her with
The kind of life where you spend time alone preparing meals,
She even had to get a job.

Did you think about how scared she was.
The night you left.

I watched through the doorway as rivers streamed down Mom's face,

I crawled into Mom's lap, and she stroked my hair.

"Why did he leave Mom"
"We have to move"

You threw Mom's trust away last time,
this time you might as well have tossed mom out,
like all the tissues she tossed out when you left.


I'm leaving

My luggage is full.
Mom has kissed my forehead, and patted my back.
Her eyes well up with tears.
She doesn't think I am ready

I think about Mom and me.
Our lavender garden on the porch
our messy collages
our bitten nails
our wedding dresses

We have moved on,
I'm not leaving to find you Dad.
I am leaving to find me.

I'm moving forward
past the hallway of tilted empty picture frames, where pictures of our perfect lives used to hang

Our empty past.
which will always be a part of me
But now, I'm leaving.